Who Are We?
by BooBear4997
Summary: Just in, a lookalike has been spotted wandering around the city who is this boy so identical to one seen so often on everyone's favourite website? Where has he been since Little J's little boyfriend turned up on our doorstep a year ago? Doesn't matter but Little J better watch out, even though her boyfriend's hot, 2 would be all the hotter and it it looks like E has the right idea.
1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE:**

 **Disclaimer:** I hold no claim over any recognizable themes, characters, settings or products. All rights and ownership go towards the appropriate owners.

 **Warning/s:** Eating disorders, substance abuse, attempted suicide, homosexual (not sure of this has to be a warning), swearing, suicidal thoughts/tendencies. If these offend or upset you in any way, please stop reading now.

 **A/N:** This is a recreation of a story started by me several years ago that was truly awful, I recently found the passion to continue it and decided to just scrap it and start over. Please remember that it has been several years since I have watched Gossip Girl in its entirety so please forgive me if I get any details wrong. Also, this is unbeta'd.

New York City. A land of opportunity. A land of partying. A land of publicity. A land of exposure…both good and bad. They say that there is no such thing as bad publicity, but how can this be true when the things that children are uncovering in a world much too large and complicated for their inexperienced eyes and trusting souls?

The era of social media has led to the destruction of a generation's social affiliations. Their phone's being more important than the world beyond, preferring to skim through events on a web page instead of experiencing them. And forming opinions based on what they hear rather than what they know.

The creation of gossip based sites has steered the teenage population of New York City into a deep mistrust of each other and themselves. The most prominent of course being that of "Gossip Girl", run by an elusive mystery source who always speaks the truth, in one form or another.

However, the stories that are told are not always meant to be heard. Rumors that spread like wildfire can tarnish a reputation. Those who are spoken about often lose respect from even the well intentioned. Those who send gossip in are vindictively destroying someone else and can lose respect for themselves. And those who aren't talked about…are seen as insignificant.

And everything that comes of the widespread airing of dirty laundry is caused by one single contributing factor.

Human emotion.

Humans have a wide variety of emotions and as teenagers – or young adults as many wish to be called – we are at our most emotionally unbalanced, changes ricocheting through both mind and body as we mature, which leaves teenagers the most vulnerable to these kinds of social attacks. Long having passed the stage of their childish innocence that shielded them from much of the harsh reality, but not quite at a stage of maturity in which they can move past such events.

Nonetheless, everyone is different and they react to different situations in different ways. For example, a teenaged girl in a wealthy family, whose parents have been experiencing marital issues may start to become self-conscious once the pressure of her demanding lifestyle and well-meaning but wearisome mother smother her in their entirety. This could progress if said mother was a fashion designer and unconsciously attempted to force perfection onto her silently suffering daughter. Which could lead to a coping mechanism in way of an eating disorder.

Another example would be that of a young man disconnected from his father and having grown up without a mother directly in the public eye. He might have been given little to no boundaries which could have led to him being left bare to a world of addictions, being drug related, sexual or emotional. This might have led to him becoming overly attached to someone after being shown an ounce of true affection or pushing away those who meant anything to them.

And then sometimes, just sometimes, a person can come out of a situation seemingly unaffected, but that it is because some wounds are harder to see than others, instead of hiding behind guarded eyes or harsh words, they are hidden by long sleeves and pleading gazes. Because no one faces a battle and comes out without something being altered. Because that's what adolescence is. A battle. A singular battle in the midst of the war that makes up the rest of our lives.

Every scar fades with time, but scars on the body come from long periods of inner torment that builds in silence because nobody ever saw what should have been glaringly obvious. Self-inflicted wounds deriving from a fearful child tearing at themselves on the outside, trying to eradicate the monster on the inside. And as each scar fades, it leaves a mark on the soul and on the spirit, sullying the young and the restless.

But often, it is not those directly affected by a situation or by a particular torment that are most distraught because like death, heartbreak and depression do not happen to that particular person, they happen to everyone around them.

And this is why gossip is so destructive, because it can make an adolescent's fragile emotional state crumble along with their familiar ties. Severing any connection to a life outside that of their social circle.

Because this vicious cycle just serves to push them closer to an anchor, often being unhealthy vices such as drugs, self-harm, purging and even friendships. Needless to say, not everyone sinks to such a level, but sadly it is more often than not, everyone being dependent upon being popular, Gossip Girl only proving to feed their enslavement to the world of social miscommunication as they prove that the new up and coming scandalous addiction is more dangerous a corruption than many seen before.

Unfortunately, the concentration of gossiping networks in Manhattan's Upper East Side has led to a simple conclusion drawn by the majority of individuals. That "you're nobody until you're talked about".

And this generation of silent communication amateurs lie to themselves as they fall deeper into the deep abyss found under a search bar, slipping from reality and slowly becoming known as a lost generation, second only to the Indigenous children of Australia, stolen by white men with intentions portrayed in opposing lights, this horrendous disfigurement on human history being mirrored by the group currently being lured from certainty into a screen.

However, Manhattan teens are not alone in this endeavor, as those from all around the world are being sucked in, as seen in fifteen year old boy who joined the Upper East Side community with his two brothers after having spent his entire life in a small town situated in central Ireland. And he was deeper into his own withdrawal than many New York Native's, despite having never seen their main sin in the form of Gossip Girl.

His oldest brother, senior to him by twelve years had moved the three of them to Manhattan a year previous, chasing a job opportunity and wanting to escape the dark memories that engulfed the place of their mother's demise and father's estrangement. Connor, however had not attended St. Judes along with his counterpart Aidan due to a prolonged residential stay at the Ostroff Mental Health and Addictions Centre.

During his stay, Connor was approached and befriended by a boy of the same age, namely one Erik Van der Woodsen, who had been institutionalized after a failed suicide attempt. They grew very close and the friendship was only hindered by Erik's insistence on a similar friendship with Asher, a boy several years older than they themselves who it was rumored had been a substance abuser. Erik's persistence on the matter revealed a deeper interest in the older boy and it became known to Connor that he had to talk to Erik about the infatuation.

After an initial moment of terror on Erik's part of not being accepted by his newfound friend, Erik and Connor had many fights and disagreements on the matter, as Erik didn't see what there was to be concerned about, only happy that he had found the stability he had so desperately been craving having escaped an over-controlling paternal unit and a lonely and unreliable home space. The fights subsided after Connor saw Erik's utter disconnection to most things that didn't involve the brunette, but he continued to keep a watchful eye.

The attraction of a fling came to mean more to Erik than the words and respect of the boy who had gained the title of his best friend. No amount of conviction would make Erik see that Asher did not deserve him nor was any good for him at all.

Though, once Asher was dismissed from the Centre, Connor was quick to express his relief, expecting Erik's fixation to drift away, having come to his senses, but if anything, the fascination seemed to grow stronger and more obsessive in his absence. His heart yearning for the connection he had been ensnared into, the dysfunction he had experienced concerning love made him confused as to what he could conceive as adulation.

Nevertheless, at the end of the day, Erik's only form of companionship was to be found in Connor and their friendship only grew in strength and compatibility. Finding common interests and comfort in each other, something that was rare to find in a hospital setting. And whilst Connor still had a relationship with his family, albeit a strained one, Erik had no interest in the woman who had ignored him whilst he was in such a dark place and then "fixed" the issue by making sure that she did not have to deal with him and placed him in the clinic.

That said, Erik still did care about the woman, referring to Lilly affectionately when alone and sharing vague memories of happier moment of the two of them, but mostly refused to acknowledge or associate with her during rare visits, preferring to hide himself in a cocoon of video games and a human barrier in the form of Connor, becoming quiet and distant when she made an appearance, though they were few and far between, Connor was still finding that Erik was especially mute and sullen when his absent sister was mentioned.

Erik's release occurred six months before Connor's eventual one, leaving him to an era of feeling alone and abandoned, relapsing several times in that six month period. The fifteen year old boy lost much of his communication with Erik as the two were separated and he had little idea as to what was happening in his friend's life. And this meant that really, Connor's only real connection to the outside world was through his two brothers, Aidan and Al, which left him with a limited idea of freedom of independence. Causing his relapses to occur more frequently and more violently.

Six months and three days to the day of Erik's dismissal passed before Connor was deemed stable and for lack of a better word…sane.


	2. Take Me Home

**TAKE ME HOME:**

 **Disclaimer:** I hold no claim over any recognizable themes, characters, settings or products. All rights and ownership go towards the appropriate owners.

 **Warning/s:** Eating disorders, substance abuse, attempted suicide, homosexual (not sure of this has to be a warning), swearing, suicidal thoughts/tendencies. If these offend or upset you in any way, please stop reading now.

 **A/N:** I've changed quite a few things from the previous story from which this has been adapted. Including characterization, characters, storylines and several main plot points. I hope that this newer version will be more inspired with the more mature writing styke. So, if your able to shoot me a review to let me know how I'm doing,, I'd really appreciate it.

Six painstakingly long months had passed since Erik and Connor had met in person, as Erik's departure from the Ostroff Centre caused a prolonged isolation for both parties. An incapability to escape from the now overbearing suffocation provided by Erik's family unit combined with painful memories of his mother's acts of neglect and feelings of loneliness acted as an impassable obstacle between the two.

Erik avoided any mention of the Centre like the plague and in turn his once good friend felt abandoned as he understood the agony Erik felt when reminded of the dark hollow lined with drug addictions, eating disorders, mentally absent patrons and the emotionally exhausted. But it didn't help ease the void left without a friend there to fight through the walls of medication and social segregation.

"Connor. Hey! Connor!" Connor jolted as a voice perforated his deep thoughts and flinched as a hand gripped his shoulder. The hand retreated and guilty eyes stared up at him from his older brother's crouched position.

"I'm…I'm just going to go and check you out. Do you want to meet me in the lobby or do you want me to stay here?" Connor just shook his head at Al and stared pointedly at the door, causing the older man to sigh and turn away, face defeated and longing as he reminisced about the boy who once was.

Sitting alone in a desolate room, sterile in its whole self, the walls a dull colour of off-white, tiled floors unnaturally clean and cold, reflective in their nature and showing a twisted account of events, the truth becoming more and more faded the further you drift away. And sitting directly in the centre of the room was a single piece of furniture, a broad, steel framed bed with peeling paint and crisp, sharp sheets that were cold and provided no semblance of warmth.

He sat on the bed, meagre belongs strewn around him in small piles with a backpack situated on his lap, being clutched to his chest in an attempt for security. The familiar sensation of being watched prickled on the back of his neck as Connor stood up on quivering feet. The large window that fit the expanse of one of the four walls restricted privacy and left his person open to gawking onlookers of both medical staff and other patients.

After having shoved the miserable showing of belongings into the backpack gifted by his brothers, Connor padded down the hospital hallway towards the elevators, an unnerving silence following his every step and confidence diminishing as the entrance to the elevators drew closer.

The ding of the elevators doors opening drew a close to the air of discontentment, as the teenager took a moment to collect himself and forced a smirk onto his face as he sauntered around the corner, barely glancing at Alan as he strode through. Flirting briefly with the secretary as she rolled her eyes with a fond smile and then exited through the doors, brother trailing after him, attempting to conversation – minimal though it was – as they walked home.

"So, where can I dump my stuff Al?" A muffled response directed Connor down the stairs and into the basement, he bypassed what appeared to be a form of rumpus room and came to a pair of sliding doors that divided off a section. An impersonal room lay beyond, just as cold as his previous one had been, but obvious attempts had been made to make it more homely, posters on the wall and a battered comforter wrapped around the confines of the bed.

A brief meeting had occurred between all three brothers earlier in the evening and Connor had kept up his phony persona with the two. Knowingly misleading them into a false sense of security about his emotional state.

And after dumping his things downstairs and a quick change of clothes, Connor realised that both Aidan and Alan had continued conversation after he had left, talking about the youngest brother as if he were a child to be directed and guided, unable to care for himself.

"I don't know Al, he doesn't seem normal. I mean he's so bitter and withdrawn, how are we supposed to help him if within five minutes he's running down to hide in his room!"

"Ok, maybe putting him in the basement wasn't such a good idea, I just wanted him to have some privacy, he's been living alone for so long. I don't think just shoving the two of you into a shared room would be such a good idea Danny." Connor stood at the adjoining wall, leaning heavily against it and watching with a guarded face as they had yet to notice him.

Aidan's silence caused Alan to continue. "Are we even sure that he's ready to be out yet? I know what the doctors said, but maybe we should take him ba-." Alan froze when he saw Connor standing there.

Connor strode towards them and spat vehemently. "Oh please don't stop on my account. Just continue your conversation about me as if I'm not even here." With no response he scoffed harshly and elbowed past them before storming out the front door.

A short bus ride later and Connor had arrived at an address he had memorized months ago and stared in awe at the building that lay before him. He had heard vivid descriptions of the place from a boy who had been driven to the comfort of cold steel and listened to the whispers of a sharp blade and an unsteady hand.

After having stepped inside the hotel complex, Connor sought out the doorman and explained his current situation, hoping to be allowed up to the Van der Woodsen apartment with minimal nuisance. The man understood and let him go with a wink.

As the elevator crawled its way up to its assigned floor, Connor made a mental note to learn the doorman's name, secure in the knowledge that he would be seeing the Belarusian man often in the coming years. And as the door opened, he gained an honest smile and stepped out, turning his head and spotting a small family sitting down for an early dinner.

A familiar blonde stared at him in shock before bursting into laughter.

Connor who had been striding towards him with confidence abruptly became immobile, feeling rather put out at Erik's laughter.

"Oh no, Con, I'm sorry. It's just-you can never just do anything halfway can you?" At Connor questioning look Erik nodded towards the clothes he had so haphazardly thrown on. Realising that the clothes were much too dressy for a simple visit to a mate's house, he allowed a chuckle to escape before he was attacked by an over-eager Erik in a crushing hug.

The two embraced in shared laughter and chattered to each other, Erik's mother and sister looked on in shock as Connor showing a rare moment of real emotion and Erik laughing, completely care free for the first time in many months.

A sharp cough interrupted them as the two realised the rest of the world was still going on around them and Lilly Van der Woodsen did not look impressed at her baby boy pressed against a boy she only knew from a mental facility. Connor separated himself from Erik and walked forward with an extended hand and a neutral expression.

"Hi Ms. Van der Woodsen, I'm not sure if you remember me, but I'm Connor, Erik's friend from the Ostroff Centre, it's lovely to see you again." He shifted his gaze to the leggy blonde on the other side of the table and addressed her as well. "And you must be Serena, I've heard so much about you."

He took a step back and felt Erik place a hand on the small of his back, breath steady on the back of his neck and relaxed. The two women's piercing gazes stared him down, as if sizing him up.

Finally, Lilly Conceded and spoke. "Connor, why not stay for dinner. We would love to know more about you." Both boys opened their mouths to argue but at her sharp glare, realised that it had not been a request and each took a seat.

Half an hour had passed before the two teenagers were able to escape to Erik's room, after having spent the majority of dinner cowering in their seats and dodging awkwardly around the more invasive questions.

Spending so long apart had temporarily dampened their friendship and the both boys were desperate to rekindle the closeness they once held, catching up and swapping stories about what each had missed during the separation. Many memories were reminisced, causing both to periodically laugh and cringe. Although Connor had to physically restrain himself from an "I told you so" once he heard of the happenings of Erik, Asher and a girl named Jenny.

To stop himself from doing something he'd regret later and not knowing what to say, Connor settled for giving Erik a one armed hug and commented on Erik's lack of luck in the area of romance. Although he did offer to break Asher's nose, he was told of Erik's stepbrother Chuck having the rumored addict sent to military school and though disappointed he didn't get the joy of smacking the bastard, it did make him feel a little better and want to meet the stepbrother Erik so obviously looked up to.

He was initially concerned that Erik's mother's marriage to Bart Bass had been damaging towards Erik, making him feel uncomfortable. But it appeared that Erik had found a good friend in his newfound brother.

And both took great amusement in the fact that the girl Jenny had started seeing Connor's brother, realising just how much they could take advantage of the situation and mess with Jenny's head. Something she very much deserved after how she'd been treating Erik lately, especially after Asher.

Before long, several hours had passed and it had long since gotten dark. Although still mad at his siblings, Connor realised that he'd allowed them to worry long enough and should head home, but Erik refused to allow him to venture out at 10 o'clock at night by himself and insisted that he call Alan, unfortunately getting his mother and recently arrived stepfather to agree.

And once Alan arrived Erik and Connor said their goodbyes with a swift hug and the promise to see each other at school. All this happened before Connor spent the car ride in a stony silence, his older brother thoroughly cowed and uncomfortable after his earlier blunder. Unsure as to how to apologise and not wanting to upset his brother any further, kept his own silence the entire way home.


End file.
